A letter to my kids for the New Year..

My dear little ones,

Wow!  Mommy won’t  be able to call you that for much longer!  2012 was an interesting year for the two of you.  We had some hard times, like when Granny passed away, and the lack of sleep.  Then we had some great times too, like all of our mini side trips on our numerous Houston trips, meeting all of our wonderful friends who have become our family, spending 4th of July with your Aunt C and Uncle Guy, and who can forget Christmas this year!  My prayers for you two this year are so many that I don’t know how I will be able to keep track of them all.

My daughter….you are so very special!  You have a lot to take on at home with a brother who can take up a lot of time.  I know you feel left out and put on the back burner at times and for that my daughter I am so sorry.  I hope you know how wonderfully smart you are.  Your love of life, protection of your brother, sense of humor, flair for the dramatics are so much fun to see.  You are so loved by so many people and prayed for by so many.  My prayer for you this year is that you understand what a special gift you have by being able to see past your brother’s struggles and by learning to like the games and TV shows he loves.  You have a very special gift of being able to make friends with other kids with special needs as well as “normal” kids and seeing past all the differences.  Many adults in this world could learn a lot from you.  I am so glad we got to run a 5k together this year!  It’s defiantly going to become a tradition for us! I love you!

My son….we have a name for your brain!  We have been struggling for so long to get someone to listen to us that to be honest Mommy almost gave up hope.  But your past two teachers have helped me to keep going on and pushing.  Both of them have seen how smart you are.  And yes my child you are brilliantly smart.  It amazes me everyday!  Who else would want to extract DNA from fruit for a science fair project?  The fact you have your collage picked out it super cool too.  I can’t wait to go visit with you!  You have had so many struggles this year, but we have made it!  We know what we have and what we need to do to help you excel even more!  We are so blessed with a wonderful church and friends who have done all they can to help us out.  How amazing is it that Mr. K will be with you in middle school next year?    I love how you are so happy to have a name for your brain!  You are so loving, protective, smart, and so full of life!  I hope you never loose any of that.  It is amazing to see the man you are going to become.  I love you!

Enjoy the last day of 2012 my little ones!  2013 will be an amazing year for us!

Love you bunches!

Your Mommy aka (The Single Mom)

Stages of Grief

I am a single mom.  I have been a single mom for almost 3 years now.  No matter if your kids are considered “normal” by society or not, being a single mom is tough.  You deny yourself shopping, haircuts, go to work sick, sleep, nights out, etc..just for them. 

To be honest I thought I was okay with the whole PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified) diagnosis.  I mean the whole premature birth, NICU stay was a piece of cake.  And the whole ADHD-combined type diagnosis wasn’t a big deal.  I’ve managed to get through that okay.  The MOSA(mild obstructive sleep apnea) that we deal with is a million times better now that we don’t have to use a cpap machine (10 yr olds and cpap’s don’t mix FYI).  But the whole Autism diagnosis?  Yes I am having a harder time working through that than I imagined.  I mean I have always thought my son had Asperger’s, and yes I do know that it is an Autism Spectrum Disorder, but somehow thinking he had that versus PDD-NOS or another ASD was easier on a daily basis.

Lately I’ve caught myself crying after he has a meltdown.  Not because he’s had a meltdown but because I’m afraid.  I worry that he wont know the joy of falling in love, being married (even though my marriage to the kids Dad didn’t work out), being a parent, dating, driving.  I cry because he might not get to experience those things and I may never get to watch him experience those things. 
Do people with PDD-NOS (aka Autism) and ADHD get married? Have they had kids?  Don’t get me wrong I know they probably have done them but who? How do their spouses cope? Their children?

Of course this is just where I am today.  Crying, hormonal, and sad.  Tomorrow it could be different.  1 step forward, 2 steps back.
Life with Autism..always the same yet everyday is completely different.

The Single Mom