Stages of Grief

I am a single mom.  I have been a single mom for almost 3 years now.  No matter if your kids are considered “normal” by society or not, being a single mom is tough.  You deny yourself shopping, haircuts, go to work sick, sleep, nights out, etc..just for them. 

To be honest I thought I was okay with the whole PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified) diagnosis.  I mean the whole premature birth, NICU stay was a piece of cake.  And the whole ADHD-combined type diagnosis wasn’t a big deal.  I’ve managed to get through that okay.  The MOSA(mild obstructive sleep apnea) that we deal with is a million times better now that we don’t have to use a cpap machine (10 yr olds and cpap’s don’t mix FYI).  But the whole Autism diagnosis?  Yes I am having a harder time working through that than I imagined.  I mean I have always thought my son had Asperger’s, and yes I do know that it is an Autism Spectrum Disorder, but somehow thinking he had that versus PDD-NOS or another ASD was easier on a daily basis.

Lately I’ve caught myself crying after he has a meltdown.  Not because he’s had a meltdown but because I’m afraid.  I worry that he wont know the joy of falling in love, being married (even though my marriage to the kids Dad didn’t work out), being a parent, dating, driving.  I cry because he might not get to experience those things and I may never get to watch him experience those things. 
Do people with PDD-NOS (aka Autism) and ADHD get married? Have they had kids?  Don’t get me wrong I know they probably have done them but who? How do their spouses cope? Their children?

Of course this is just where I am today.  Crying, hormonal, and sad.  Tomorrow it could be different.  1 step forward, 2 steps back.
Life with Autism..always the same yet everyday is completely different.

The Single Mom