One Step Forward....12 Steps Back

Sigh...lately I feel like I am back on the NICU highs/lows roller coaster. Every ounce regained bay Thing 1 is cause to cheer, however that same ounce maybe lost tomorrow. Every new skill/coping mechanism learned that week and used properly is a step forward, and every refusal to used said new skill we “forget” or refuse to use feels like a tumble down a hill.

Right now our biggest hurdle is weight gain. Don't get me wrong Thing 1 loves to eat, but EVERYTHING Thing 1 loves to eat is not helping in the weight gaining department. 

Our food Loves:

• APPLES (We can go through a 5lb bag of Red Delicious in 2 days)
• ORANGES
• BANANAS
• WATERMELON
• GRAPES (We have to buy 1 bag/box for Thing 1 and 1 for everyone else)
• Okay so basically fruits and a few veggies are our food loves
  

Yesterday he weighed himself and started to cry because he had lost 8 more ounces.  Thing 1 is down to 63.8 lbs without shoes on.  He is trying to get out of PE because he is worried about his weight.  With everything else in my life I really, really, really dont like worrying about this. Thing 1 is not a big kid to begin with. And as CPS/Abuse happy as people get my brain starts working overtime in the worry department.

What if:

• He has a sub who knows nothing about him and sees him and thinks I am starving him?
  
• He gets sick & I have to take him to the ER and someone calls and reports me about his weight?
  
• Despite everything, (including changing meds...possibility now) he never gains weight?
  

And to top off all this lovely stress Obamacare is really sticking it to me! Because of the kids child support payments I now make TOO MUCH money for them to be on traditional kids medicad to Chips, and my help with food got cut from 300.00 a month to 48.00!! I will make a little over 15K this year from just my job. Yeah that isn't much people!

But this change now means I have the joy of paying for monthly medications for 2 kids and therapy 3 times a week for Thing 1.  That means I have to have at least 15-20 on hand every week to pay for just therapy. 20.00 a week X 4 weeks = 87.00 a month just for therapy, on top of the 50 or so I have to have monthly for just his medications for a grand total of roughly 150.00 I need to have on hand each month to pay for this.

So what does this mean now? My grand plan of paying off my loans for school is quickly flying out the window and I see myself looking for a second job! Why? Because that 150.00 is right now earmarked for debt payments so I can go to school.  The little time I have with my kids, NASCAR Boy, and church is slowly leaving.

And that saddens me. I want to be able to go to school to provide better for my kids and I don’t see that happening.

Grown-up hood....this isn’t fun....